How to Be ‘Sex Positive’?

Is it a thing?

In general, positive sex claims that sex is beneficial in one’s life.

But it’s more than this; however, according to Texas-based sex teacher Goody Howard, Sex positivity is the belief that individuals should be able to express, discover and explore the aspects of their gender as well as sexuality without fear of judgment or shame.

“It is about being non-judgmental and accepting of the diversity of gender expressions and sexuality so long as there is a consensus,” says trauma-focused therapist and sexuality educator Aida Manduley, LCSW, in a statement that sex-positive behavior encourages a particular set of actions.

In the end, sex positivity is about consent and communication, as well as education that helps people make informed decisions about their bodies and satisfaction.

Does it have the potential to be considered sex-negative”?

It’s actually an extremely safe bet that regardless of whether you’re actively striving to become sexually positive and sex-positive, you’re still sex-negative.

Don’t think of it as a personal attack, though. It’s not your fault; in fact, It’s society.

Howard describes, “Sex negativity is ingrained into the way that our society functions.”

“Sex negativity is encouraging girls to wear more clothes, even during the hot days before leaving the house,” Howard says. “It’s telling parents to not breastfeed in public, despite the fact that this is what breasts were originally designed to be used for.”

Other examples of sexual negativity are:

  • violence against sex workers, trans women, and females
  • Sexual education that is abstinence-only and education that only talks about sexual reproduction
  • Purity agreements
  • Instagram shadow-banning of sex educators
  • Slut-shaming and victim-blaming
  • The “good girl” against “bad girl” concept

“Sex negative attitudes approach sexuality and sex from the perspective of fear, oppression, and stigma,” Manduley writes.

Sex-related negativity presumes that human sexuality is inherent:

  • dirty
  • dangerous
  • The most disgusting
  • Unnatural
  • uncontrollable
  • Negative
  • Risky

How did the concept originate?

Psychoanalyst Wilhelm Reich is often credited with inventing that term back in the 1920s. At that time, he argued, contrary to what was believed, that sexual activity is actually an excellent and healthy thing.

You can imagine that the idea didn’t get the same amount of attention. However, during the sexual revolution of the 1960s, it was given an additional life.

Recently, the use of the term has increased once more as the Trump administration has been increasingly attacking the rights of sex-related workers and trans and queer people and particularly those of Black, Indigenous, and others of color.

What’s the purpose?

Sex positivity’s All-In-One Thing(TM) is to remove the stigma and judgment associated with sexuality, sexuality, and sexuality.

“Being restricted by guilt and shame is a painful experience that reduces your enjoyment and mental health and impedes the quality of your life,” states Erica Smith, M.Ed, an educator in sex-based in Philadelphia and creator of the Purity Culture Dropout Programme, which is a program for people who have been educated by evangelical views regarding sexuality.

Since sexuality and sex are two broad concepts that are interwoven with every aspect of life, it manually states, “Becoming sex-positive can be an enormous source of happiness, the health of love, relief, and overall well-being.”

The idea is to significantly improve your overall life.

Do you need to have sex in order to be considered sex-positive?

Nope. “You do not need to be in sexual relations to be considered sex-positive,” Smith says.

“But you must need to believe that others can enjoy sexual relations however they wish with anyone they choose provided consent is given,” she explains.

How can you become sexually positive?

Being fully transparent and sex-positive requires:

  • patience
  • time
  • commitment
  • Courage and bravery

It’s not easy! It’s a worthwhile job.

“It requires a continuous commitment towards becoming more inclusive and conscious,” Manduley says. “It is a commitment to applying anti-oppressive ideas and practices.”

As per Howard his advice, your first task is to recognize every time you’re not sex-positive likely due to growing up in a culture that was sex-negative.

For instance, “Let’s say you think “slut” whenever you see someone wearing a crop top,” Howard says. “Ask yourself why I feel this way. Why was I feeling this way?”

In the same way, she suggests, when you are criticizing someone for having a relationship that is polyamorous, and you are not sure, ask yourself why that causes me to feel uncomfortable. What are the steps I should take in order to stop feeling like that?

Follow the steps.